Emergency: single dad, mother needed Page 13

Some things couldn’t be rushed.

  She glanced at her watch, realizing it was close to the time of her mother’s scheduled dialysis treatment. She glanced at Gabe. “I need to go but I’ll come back later, all right?”

  “Sure.” Gabe smiled and for the first time in a long time she saw the hope that filled his eyes. “I’ll be here.”

  She knew he would. Gabe hadn’t left JT’s bedside for any period of time longer than it took to eat a quick meal or rush home for a shower and change of clothes. He was a great father. She couldn’t even believe he had harbored doubts about it before. She was beginning to think he and JT would pull through this.

  Heading over to Minneapolis’s Medical Center, she found the inpatient dialysis unit. The nurses were just getting her mother hooked up to the dialysis machine.

  With nothing to do but wait, her mother’s comments echoed over and over in her mind. She was most curious about how her mother seemed to speak from experience.

  Holly finally gathered her courage to ask, “Mom, have you ever loved another man besides Dad?”

  Her mother was silent for a long moment. “Yes, at least I thought I loved him. But as time went on I ended up ruining the relationship.”

  Holly was surprised at her mother’s frank admission. “How?”

  “I kept looking for reasons not to trust him.” Her mother’s smile was sad. “No one is perfect, Holly. Your father, Tom, they both had trouble being faithful. But they weren’t bad men. Perfection doesn’t exist, everyone makes mistakes if you’re with them long enough. The sooner you can forgive them and move on, the better off you’ll be.”

  “I don’t know if I can,” Holly confessed softly. Tom’s betrayal was so wrapped up in her daughter’s death she didn’t know how to separate the two.

  “Maybe you need to start with forgiving yourself.”

  Forgiving herself? She stared at her mother, perplexed. “What do you mean?”

  “Holly, I’ve been there. I know how easy it is to blame yourself for not seeing through the charming veneer to the man beneath.” Her mother grimaced. “You have to forgive yourself for marrying the wrong man, and that’s not easy to do. You must have thought you were in love with Tom to agree to marry him in the first place.”

  “Yes.” Her mother’s words struck a chord. She had wallowed in guilt for making a bad choice, especially after nearly kissing Gabe before the wedding. Maybe if she had been more honest with herself, acknowledging her feelings earlier, she could have avoided her marriage and subsequent divorce.

  But that also meant not having had Kayla, even for those brief moments. And no matter how much she considered her marriage to Tom a mistake, she couldn’t consider her daughter to be one, too.

  “I think I knew Tom was wrong for me even before I married him,” she whispered, speaking the truth out loud for the first time in years. “And you’re right, I blamed myself for not being strong enough to break things off then.”

  “Yes. I had a similar experience.” Her mother reached over with her good hand, the one not connected to the dialysis machine, to give Holly’s a squeeze. “But I couldn’t regret my marriage either, because of you. You gave me something to live for. Something to be strong for. I just wished I could have come to terms with my anger and resentment toward your father much quicker.”

  So she could move on with someone else? “Who was he?” Holly asked, honestly curious. While she’d still been in high school, she hadn’t been aware of her mother dating anyone. Not that she’d been very aware of her mother’s problems back then, she thought with a pang of guilt.

  “His name was Scott Anderson and I met him through a divorce support group a couple of years ago.”

  A support group. After all these years? She hadn’t even realized her mother had been to one. “So what happened? Are you still in touch with him?”

  “Not really, not since I’ve been sick enough to need dialysis.” Her mother waved a hand impatiently. “Why are we talking about me? This is supposed to be about you.”

  Holly could see what had happened, the way her mother had broken off communication with Scott after she’d discovered her renal failure had meant she’d need to go on dialysis. Knowing her mother, she hadn’t wanted Scott to consider her a burden.

  “Tell you what, Mom. I’ll work on forgiving myself and Tom if you get in touch with Scott. Has it occurred to you he might be worried about you, even as a friend?”

  Her mother was quiet for a long moment. “Yes, it’s occurred to me.”

  “So?” Holly persisted. “That means you could at least call him, right?”

  “Right,” her mother sighed. “It’s a deal.”

  “Good.” Holly sat back in her seat, satisfied. Maybe it was too late for Scott and her mother, but even if there was nothing left of the relationship other than friendship, that wouldn’t be so bad either.

  Friends and family were important.

  She thought of Gabe, standing watch over JT. The boy was still clinging to life, like some sort of tiny miracle. Discovering the truth about who JT’s biological father was didn’t change anything. JT was still more Gabe’s son than anyone else’s.

  Had she done the same thing her mother had?

  Had she deliberately looked for a reason not to trust Gabe?

  Gabe had always known patience wasn’t his area of greatest strength. Forty-eight hours had passed since Holly and Jeff had started decreasing JT’s medication. Last night they’d turned everything off completely.

  But JT still hadn’t woken up.

  He stared at his clasped hands dangling between his knees, battling a feeling of impending doom. What if all this treatment had been for nothing? What if JT never woke up from his coma?

  Days ago he’d thought he’d be satisfied to know JT was alive, but as he stared down at his son’s youthful face he had to admit he’d lied to himself. Because he wanted more than for JT to simply exist with a stable heart rate and a blood pressure.

  He wanted JT to recover enough to be aware of his surroundings. To talk. To walk. To climb trees, swing-sets or whatever else he wanted to climb.

  To someday go back to school.

  He wanted it all. Not necessarily right away, he could be patient for a little while. But he definitely wanted it all. JT’s recovery.

  And more. He wanted the impossible.

  Holly entered JT’s room and he dragged his gaze up to meet hers. “Nothing yet?” she asked.

  Slowly he shook his head.

  She let out a sigh. “Hang in there, Gabe. You know there is so much we don’t know about the brain. The good news is that he’s been off all his medication since last night. It may just take a while for him to wake up, that’s all.”

  He couldn’t make himself smile. “I know. Logically, I know this may take a while. And he might not even recognize anyone when he does wake up. But it’s hard. We’ve been waiting for so long.”

  “I know.” She moved over to JT’s bedside to perform a brief neuro exam. “His pupils are equal and reactive to light,” she murmured.

  He nodded, knowing fully well, as she did, that JT’s pupil response didn’t mean anything. All it meant was that his brain hadn’t totally shut down. “How long before you do an EEG?”

  Holly’s glance was surprised. “Has Jeff mentioned doing one?” she asked, avoiding a direct answer.

  Gabe lifted a shoulder. “No, but I figured it’s only a matter of time. Once the meds have cleared his system, there should be no reason for him not to wake up. Unless his brain is having deep, underlying seizure activity that we’re not aware of.” Some seizures were so deep, so primitive, they didn’t show obvious signs and symptoms.

  “We’ll give him a few days yet,” Holly assured him. “I don’t think he’s having seizures.”

  “But the only way to know for sure is to do an EEG,” Gabe persisted.

  “Yes.” She reached over to rest her hand lightly on his shoulder. “Give him some time, Gabe. The virus has been a huge stress on
his system. Give him time to wake up on his own.”

  He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Okay. You’re right, it’s still early.” It was ridiculous to be so disappointed that JT didn’t immediately open his eyes and look at him, fully aware of his surroundings.

  “It is early,” Holly agreed. “And we already know that most of the virus is no longer in his system.”

  Gabe didn’t answer. Because he’d read the case studies for himself. Most of the patients had died from other complications, not from the virus itself. In JT’s case there could be complications from the coma.

  He prayed JT wouldn’t be another rabies casualty.

  On Monday morning, three full days after they’d stopped all JT’s medications, Gabe watched as numerous tiny electrodes were glued to JT’s scalp. His eyes burned from exhaustion, but still he couldn’t look away.

  Three days and JT hadn’t woken up.

  Gabe was certain there was something serious wrong. Jeff and Holly kept saying to give him time—they’d even taken the breathing tube out—but all he could think was that JT must be having deep seizure activity in order to explain why he hadn’t come around from the coma.

  “There, last one,” the tech said cheerfully. She didn’t seem to mind that JT didn’t respond, she’d gone on to explain what she was doing anyway.

  Gabe stared at the young woman with dull eyes. Irrationally, he wanted to yell at her to stop being so perky. Couldn’t she tell JT was going to die? Couldn’t she see that everything they’d done had been for nothing?

  He wished Holly was there. He needed her to stand beside him if he was going to lose JT.

  “Hmm,” the tech said, as she started up the machine, watching as JT’s brain waves were being monitored by the tiny needles. “Interesting.”

  He wasn’t an expert on reading EEGs but he leaned forward to look at the small zig-zag scribbles the numerous needles were making on the wide graph paper anyway. The device looked primitive, something akin to a seismograph measuring earthquake activities. After all these years of modern advances in healthcare, it seemed as if there should be a better, more technical way to measure brain waves.

  “What?” he asked. The scribbles on the paper made no sense to him. “Is he having seizures?”

  “I’m just the tech,” she said primly. “I’m not qualified to make medical judgments.”

  He clenched his fingers into fists, controlling his temper with an effort. If she wasn’t qualified to make medical judgments, why had she even said anything? And what was so interesting? “Where’s Jeff Konen?”

  The girl had the grace to look guilty. “I don’t know, but I can page him if you like.”

  “Page him,” Gabe said between clenched teeth. He wanted to know if JT was having seizures and he wanted to know now.

  Seeing the grim expression on his face, the tech hurried away. The machine continued to roll, like a giant lie detector, the needles scribbling on the paper like a kid scraping his nails down a chalkboard.

  Gabe was still staring at the paper when the tech returned with Jeff in tow.

  “Gabe,” Jeff said by way of greeting. Jeff moved over to glance down at the long page of brain waves already documented by the EEG machine. “So far this looks good.”

  “Good?” Gabe grasped on the positive note. “You mean he’s not having seizures?”

  “No seizures—at least, not so far,” Jeff confirmed. “Typically we run the test for a good hour, though. Now, calm down, all right? You’re scaring the tech.”

  Gabe hunched his shoulders. “She started it,” he mumbled, knowing he sounded ridiculous. After weeks of sitting at JT’s side, he felt as if he was close to losing it.

  JT’s hand moved in a jerky motion. Gabe blinked, wondering if his exhausted brain had imagined it. Then JT’s hand moved again, this time as if he was trying to raise his hand off the bed.

  “JT?” he called, crossing over to JT’s bed. He took the boy’s small hand in his. JT’s hand moved again, another jerky movement, not a hand grasp by any stretch of the imagination. “Jeff, do you think this might be residual seizure activity?”

  “No, you have to remember rabies affects the nervous system. His muscles may not move normally for quite a while yet.”

  Gabe nodded, clinging to JT’s hand. The jerky movements stopped. He willed them back.

  The tech finished the EEG and quickly disconnected all the electrodes from JT’s scalp. The poor kid looked like some sort of mini-rock star with globs of white goop still matted in his hair, which stuck out from his head at odd angles.

  “We’ll get that gunk out of your hair, JT, don’t worry,” the nurse said when she came in a few minutes later. “I found some stuff that works really well.”

  JT turned his head toward the sound of her voice.

  Gabe swallowed hard. There was a loud buzzing in his ears and his heart thundered in his chest. He clung to JT’s hand as if it were a lifeline.

  “JT?” He had to clear the hoarseness from his throat. “Hey, buddy, it’s me, Uncle Gabe. I’m here with you, JT. You’ve been sick but you’re getting better.” From the corner of his eye he noticed both Holly and Jeff walk into the room as if curious to see if JT would finally wake up. The PICU nurse stood on one side of the bed, while he stayed on the opposite side. “JT, can you open your eyes for me? Can you see me?”

  JT’s hand jerked in his, and Gabe held his breath, almost afraid to hope. JT’s other hand jerked, as did his feet, but the motions weren’t synchronized, as if JT was having trouble getting his muscles to obey his commands.

  “Take your time, buddy,” Gabe said, even though he was sure more waiting would kill him. “We’re not going anywhere. We have all the time in the world.”

  JT opened his eyes, blinked and then closed them again.

  “Dim the lights,” Gabe said harshly.

  Holly crossed over to dim the fluorescent overhead lights.

  “There, JT, the lights aren’t so bright now,” Gabe said in a reassuring tone. “Can you open your eyes for me? Can you look at me, JT?”

  JT turned his head toward the sound of Gabe’s voice. Gabe felt Holly and Jeff come up to stand on either side of him. He barely glanced at them, having eyes only for JT.

  “He’s never seen Jeff, so we need to make sure he can differentiate between you,” Holly said in a low tone.

  Gabe understood what she was saying. They needed to know if JT was really in there, able to recognize his surroundings. Able to recognize him.

  JT opened his eyes again, and Gabe’s hopes plummeted when it seemed at first as if JT was gazing at nothing, not even the pretty PICU nurse standing on the other side of the bed. But then, slowly, the boy moved his gaze toward Gabe.

  “Welcome back, JT,” Holly said, her voice thick with suppressed tears. “You’ve been sick, but you’re much better now. We’ve all been worried about you.”

  JT’s gaze moved from Holly to Gabe and then to Jeff, with no moment of recognition from what Gabe could tell. But then JT’s gaze came back to focus on Gabe. His mouth moved and he tried to speak.

  “Da-ddy?”

  Gabe stared at JT, wondering if he’d really heard the somewhat garbled word right. Holly’s tremulous smile convinced him he had.

  JT had not only recognized him, he’d called him Daddy.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  HOLLY’S eyes filled with tears even as her heart soared with excitement. JT had finally awoken from his coma.

  JT had called Gabe Daddy.

  The treatment to combat his illness had worked.

  “JT, I love you, son. I love you so much.” Gabe was crying but seemed not to notice as he gathered the boy in his arms. JT tried to talk again as he cuddled against Gabe’s chest as if seeking comfort, but much of his speech was garbled, except for one word that was quickly becoming very clear.

  Daddy.

  “He’s awake. Can you believe it? JT’s awake,” Holly heard one of the PICU nurses say excitedly.

&n
bsp; A ripple of celebration went through the whole unit. Several of the staff, nurses and physicians and techs, came to stand at JT’s door, some of them smiling, others wiping away tears.

  Gabe just continued to hold his son, smoothing a hand down the boy’s back. Holly blinked away her tears of happiness. JT had recognized Gabe, though the rest of his recovery would come more slowly. Youth was on his side.

  And there was no rush. JT could take all the time he needed to return to his usual self. The boy had his whole life ahead of him.

  “We did it,” Jeff murmured, a sense of awe in his tone. “I can’t believe we got him through this.”

  “Love is what got him through this,” Holly corrected, unable to tear her gaze from the way Gabe cradled JT close.

  “Yeah. You’re probably right.” Jeff was grinning like an idiot. “But we helped a little.”

  “We helped a little,” Holly agreed. She turned away, feeling a little too much like an outsider. Gabe had his son back. There was no doubt in her mind that JT would continue to recover.

  Gabe didn’t need Holly’s help anymore.

  She was glad, fiercely glad that JT had pulled through the horrible virus that had wreaked havoc on his small body. She was happy he was stable enough not to need the acute level of care the peds ICU provided.

  Still, she left JT’s room, feeling as if her professional job was done.

  But also feeling that, just like her mother, she’d somehow ruined her chance for personal happiness with JT and Gabe.

  Holly continued to keep an eye on JT’s progress. The whole hospital did. JT’s survival was the main topic of conversation. By the end of the following week JT was talking better but his language skills came back slowly.

  “Holly, I’ve been waiting for you,” Gabe said when she showed up at the end of her day. She was busier than usual, thanks in part to being touted by the CDC as one of the experts in treating rabies. Her colleague was a greater expert than she could ever be, but she didn’t mind answering questions from other doctors across the country.

  “Good news.” Gabe’s grin was infectious. “JT’s being transferred to Rehab in the morning.”