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  Forcing himself to turn away, he went over to a different computer, far away from the one Cassie had been using, to enter the medication orders. When he’d finished, he sat down to scroll through his other patients’ charts.

  It took him a few minutes to realize he was stalling. Ridiculous to think about waiting around here until the end of Cassie’s shift. Just because he was on call, it didn’t mean he shouldn’t take advantage of the downtime to get some rest.

  But before he could leave, his pager went off, announcing a pending crash C-section.

  Rest would have to wait. “We need an emergency warmer down in the OR,” he said.

  “I’m ready,” Diane said, hurrying toward him with the equipment. He knew that Cassie was already tied up with Emma and Barton, so he wasn’t surprised that Diana was the nurse up for the next admission.

  He strode purposefully toward the door, managing to resist the urge to glance back once more at Cassie.

  She and Emma would be fine.

  A few minutes later he entered the OR, where a laboring mother was lying on the table, her eyes full of fear. “Save my baby,” she pleaded as the anesthesiologist tried to cover her mouth and nose with an oxygen mask. “Save my baby!”

  “She has a prolapsed umbilical cord,” Dr. Eden Graves informed him. “We need to move fast.”

  “Understood,” he agreed. “I’m ready as soon as you are.”

  Leaving Diane to prepare their equipment, he walked over to look at the fetal monitoring strip. There were several steep decelerations present, indicating severe fetal bradycardia. He noted that the sharp drop in the fetal pulse coincided with highest portion of the uterine contractions. Classic sign of a prolapsed umbilical cord.

  “Tip her uterus so that the pressure isn’t on her cervix,” he instructed.

  “I did, but you’re right, we could use more blankets to prop beneath her bottom.”

  A couple of nurses came over to assist and soon the patient was ready. The anesthesiologist gave Eden the high sign and she quickly began the procedure.

  The baby was removed from the uterus within five minutes, and the minute the cord was cut he quickly took the infant over to the warmer. The baby boy wasn’t too limp and quickly pinked up as they worked on him.

  When the baby let out a wail, there was a collective sigh of relief from everyone in the room.

  “Let me know what the cord blood gases show,” he said to the circulating nurse in the room. “Page me with the results.”

  “Okay.”

  He finished his assessment with Diane’s help and then deemed the infant stable enough for transport up to the neonatal nursery. Even though the baby boy looked fine for the moment, he intended to watch the infant for a few hours upstairs.

  It was a good feeling to save a baby’s life. Even though deep down he knew that no matter how many he saved, he’d always mourn the one that mattered most.

  The son he’d lost.

  * * *

  Cassie was thankful Emma didn’t show any more signs of seizures and the EEG tech seemed to think the test looked relatively normal. Of course, they needed the neurologist to read the test to know for sure, but she decided to remain optimistic.

  Barton’s parents were here, holding their son, so she decided this was a good time to take a quick break.

  “Sally, would you mind keeping an eye on Emma for a few minutes? I’d like to run down to the cafeteria to grab something to eat.”

  “Sure, that’s fine. But we’re expecting that new baby to arrive within the next thirty minutes so make it quick, okay?”

  “I will.” She’d perfected the art of eating fast, to minimize disrupting patient care.

  Leaving the unit, she took the stairs down to the cafeteria level. The grill line was too long, so she went over to the salad bar to make herself a quick grilled-chicken salad and fill a large cup with ice water. The hardest thing about working second shift was the inability to fall asleep once she got home, and the last thing she needed was the added impact of caffeine zipping through her system.

  She sat down at a small table near the back of the cafeteria and quickly dug into her salad. A few nurses greeted her, but none of them lingered. Obviously the whole hospital was busy, not just her neonatal unit.

  She kept an eye on her watch as she ate, knowing she needed to return to the unit before Dr. Ryan brought over his latest patient.

  With any luck he’d be busy with the new admission for a while, giving her some badly needed breathing space. She really didn’t understand what her problem was around him. There were plenty of other single guys around. James Green, one of the ER doctors, had asked her out just last month.

  Too bad she hadn’t felt one iota of interest in him. She’d politely declined James’s offer, refusing to feel bad at the dejected expression in his eyes.

  Her divorce had only been final for a little over a year. Six months ago she’d moved to Cedar Bluff to start afresh. It was too soon to enter the dating scene.

  So why was she always so keenly aware of Dr. Ryan Murphy?

  No clue. She shook her head, scraping the bottom of her salad bowl to get the last bit, before wiping her mouth with a napkin and rising to her feet.

  Ten minutes. Not bad, she mused as she headed back toward the elevators. Walking up three flights of stairs seemed daunting after she’d practically inhaled her meal, so she took an elevator up.

  She got off the elevator on the third floor and headed down the east hallway toward the neonatal unit.

  Cassie frowned when she saw an older woman, probably in her midsixties, leaning heavily on a cane near the doorway. It looked as if the woman was trying to peer through the small window to see inside the unit.

  “Good evening. Can I help you with something?” Cassie asked.

  The woman started badly, spinning around so quickly she almost lost her balance. Cassie darted forward to slide a supportive arm around the woman’s waist.

  “Easy there, I don’t want you to fall,” Cassie said. “Is there something you need? Are you waiting to go in to visit?”

  “Oh, no. I’m not waiting to visit. I…um…” The woman seemed flustered and avoided her gaze. “I was visiting a friend and thought I’d come over to peek at the babies. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to break any rules.”

  Since the woman obviously felt bad, Cassie decided she wouldn’t push it. “That’s okay, but you can’t go in there unless you’re related to one of the babies. It’s a locked unit to protect them from being taken.”

  “Oh, of course. I—I’m sorry. I have to go.” The woman took a step and leaned on her cane, making her way back toward the elevators. Cassie waited a moment, watching her.

  It wasn’t until she was back at Emma’s bedside that she realized the woman might have being trying to catch a glimpse of Emma. Surely the news of their safe-haven baby had already spread throughout the small town of Cedar Bluff.

  She wished she’d asked the woman for her name. Had she been peeking into the unit out of pure curiosity?

  Or because she knew Emma’s mother?

  CHAPTER THREE

  RYAN KEPT A close eye on the newborn baby boy for the next hour, relieved when the umbilical-cord blood-gas results weren’t as bad as he’d feared.

  The infant seemed to be doing well, so he drifted over to where Cassie was working with Emma.

  “How’s Emma doing?” he asked.

  “Good,” she said with a tired smile. “I haven’t seen any seizure activity since we started her on the medication.”

  “Glad to hear it.” He forced himself to tear his gaze away from her to focus on the baby, although he was very much aware of Cassie’s warm vanilla scent. “Isn’t your shift ending soon?”

  “In another hour,” she agreed. “I was supposed to be off tomorrow, but one of the nurses called in sick, so I agreed to come back for the day shift. Gives me a good excuse to check up on Emma.”

  He wasn’t surprised she’d agreed to come back in less than ei
ght hours. Over the past few months he’d discovered Cassie was always jumping in to help cover shifts as needed.

  Despite his attempts to keep his distance, he found himself curious about why she devoted so much time and energy to her work. He sensed she was using work as a distraction from not having a personal life, the same way he was.

  He told himself the similarities between them didn’t matter, since he wasn’t interested in having a relationship.

  “They should let you leave early,” he said with a frown. “You deserve to get some rest.”

  “I’ll be fine,” she said with a wave of her hand. “I’ve doubled back before and it’s not too bad.”

  He was hardly in a position to argue, since his job required him to be on call often. Too often, according to Victoria, who’d accused him of staying late at work on purpose. Had he? Looking back now, he had to admit there may have been a kernel of truth to Victoria’s accusations.

  He thrust the useless guilt aside. “I’m going to get some rest in the call room, but page me if you need anything.”

  “We will. But don’t worry, I promise we won’t bother you unless it’s important.”

  For a moment he was taken aback by her statement. Was she actually trying to protect him? The concept was so foreign he could barely wrap his mind around it. “Call me anytime,” he corrected, before turning away.

  The attending physicians’ call room was located just outside the neonatal intensive care unit, close enough for emergency situations but with enough soundproofing to be able to get some sleep.

  Ryan kept his scrubs on as he stretched out on the narrow bed, so that he could rush out in a hurry for an emergency. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths in an effort to relax.

  Unfortunately, Cassie’s face, etched with the deeply caring expression he’d seen while feeding Barton, bloomed in his mind. He cursed under his breath, knowing that if he didn’t find a way to pry her out of his mind, he’d never get any sleep.

  Too bad Cassie wasn’t the type to go for a nice sweaty bout of no-strings sex. Because unfortunately, since he’d destroyed his chance to have a family, that’s all he had left to offer.

  * * *

  Cassie groaned when her alarm went off at the ungodly hour of six o’clock in the morning. It felt as if she’d barely fallen asleep, as she’d tossed and turned until well past midnight, her thoughts darting from Dr. Ryan to Emma and back again. With a heavy sigh she dragged herself out of bed and stumbled toward the shower.

  The hot water helped wake her up, although she wouldn’t be human until she’d downed her first cup of coffee. Since blow-drying her hair would take too long, she pulled it back into a ponytail and applied enough makeup to cover the dark circles beneath her eyes.

  Volunteering to help out had seemed like a good idea at the time, but in the bright light of morning she couldn’t help wondering what in the world she’d been thinking.

  Caring for Emma. That’s what she’d been thinking.

  Staring at the empty coffeepot, she realized grimly that she hadn’t turned it on last night before crawling into bed. Feeling a bit desperate, she decided to stop at the local corner coffee shop before heading to the hospital.

  The place was far more crowded than she’d have expected this early on a Friday morning. Although maybe the tourist crowd liked to get an early start. There wasn’t any drive-through service, not since someone had knocked over the post holding the intercom and speaker, so she took her place in line, hoping things would move quickly.

  Of course, they didn’t. She glanced at her watch for the third time, thinking she should give up gourmet coffee for the icky stuff they brewed at work, when a second line opened up. “I can help the next person?” a woman called out.

  The woman in front of Cassie darted over and she followed, figuring it would be quicker. Another person came up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder.

  “Hey, Cass, how are you?”

  Cassie glanced over her shoulder to see Gloria, her friend from the ER, standing behind her. “Good. How are you?”

  “Fine. How’s our safe-haven baby?” Gloria asked in a low tone.

  “Critical but stable,” she replied, knowing that the privacy laws prevented them from discussing patients. Although small towns like Cedar Bluff had a hard time with the concept of privacy. Everyone liked to meddle in everyone else’s business.

  “Oh, I heard about that,” the woman in front of her said, turning around with her large coffee in hand. “Everyone’s trying to figure out who the mother is.”

  Cassie shrugged and edged around the woman so she could place her order. “Large mocha coffee, please.” She glanced back at the nosy woman. “The mother has the right to be anonymous, so I doubt we’ll ever find out who she was. Besides, she did a good thing, giving her baby a chance at a better life.”

  “Cassie’s right.” Gloria spoke up, flashing Cassie an apologetic smile. “We should be thankful. I’m sure someone will step forward to adopt the baby.”

  “I guess you’re right,” the woman said, looking resigned at the fact she wasn’t getting any good information.

  Cassie turned back to accept her coffee, wishing once again that she’d gone through the process of becoming a foster parent back when she’d first investigated the option. At the time she’d convinced herself the notion was a knee-jerk reaction to losing her baby and discovering her ex-husband’s betrayal. But if she had at least started the process, she’d be in a better position to adopt little Emma herself.

  Was she crazy to even think of that as an option? Probably. But for some reason the idea wouldn’t go away.

  Cassie took a bracing sip of her coffee and headed back out to her car. The drive to the hospital didn’t take long and she was still early enough to beat the worst of the traffic.

  She stood by the elevator, sipping her coffee and thinking about the gossip that was already floating around about their safe-haven baby. If the mother was still around, she sincerely hoped the poor girl didn’t overhear people talking about her.

  Several of her coworkers joined her at the elevator, although it was too early for idle chitchat. When the elevator stopped on the third floor, Cassie waited for the nurses closest to the door to get out first, before following suit.

  As she stepped out of the elevator she caught a glimpse of an older woman with a cane entering the adjacent elevator. Was it the same woman who had been peering through the window of the door last evening? She tried to dart around her coworkers, but the action proved difficult, like a salmon swimming upstream. By the time she cleared the group, the elevator doors had closed.

  She hesitated, wondering if she should take the stairs down to the lobby to verify it was the same woman from yesterday. But a glance at her watch made her grimace. There wasn’t enough time, she needed to punch in for her shift or she’d be late.

  Besides, selfishly, she wanted to be sure Emma was assigned as her patient. So she hurried toward the door and swiped her ID badge over the electronic eye so she could get in.

  Still carrying her coffee, she entered the staff lounge, where they generally congregated to make out the day’s assignments. After glancing up at the whiteboard, she relaxed. The charge nurse on duty had already listed her name as the nurse for both Emma and Barton.

  She sipped her coffee, waiting for the rest of the assignments to be made. Should she call security? And report what? A suspicious woman in her early sixties who used a cane?

  Yeah, right. She was being ridiculous. For all she knew, the woman getting into the elevator wasn’t the same one as the day before. And even if it was, so what? She’d mentioned she was here, visiting a patient. There were other units on the third floor besides the neonatal nursery.

  Cassie pushed the thought of the cane lady out of her mind. Once the assignments were pretty much completed, she set her coffee aside, grabbed her stethoscope from her locker and headed over to Emma’s warmer.

  Her step faltered when she realized Dr
. Ryan was sitting at the computer, reading through the baby’s progress notes.

  You are not a slave to your hormones, she told herself sternly. You need to get over him already!

  She forced herself to continue walking, even as she swept her gaze over the area, looking for Debra, the night-shift nurse, who needed to give her the update on how Emma was doing.

  “Good morning, Cassandra.”

  She blushed, giving him a nod. “Good morning, Dr. Ryan, and, please, call me Cassie.”

  There, she’d finally managed to sound casual, as if he were any other physician on staff.

  “Only if you call me Ryan. And as you have such a beautiful name, it’s a shame to shorten it.” For a moment she felt her jaw drop in shock and did her best to close her mouth so she didn’t look like a gaping fish. She was relieved when he changed the subject. “Emma’s doing well this morning. I think we’ll try to wean her a bit from the vent.”

  Okay, patient care she could handle. She took a deep breath. “That sounds like a good plan. What about nutrition?”

  “She hasn’t had any seizures since we started the medication, so it’s probably okay to begin feeding her. As soon as I finish my morning rounds I’ll come back to insert a feeding tube. Maybe you could get the pump set up so everything is ready to go.”

  “Of course.” She avoided his direct gaze, not trusting her ability to stay cool, calm and collected.

  Had he really called her beautiful? No, he’d called her name beautiful. And that was completely different.

  Wasn’t it?

  Of course it was.

  She pulled out her stethoscope and warmed the diaphragm in the palm of her hand before leaning over to listen to Emma’s heart, lungs and abdomen. As she went through her basic assessment she swore she could feel Dr. Ryan’s piercing gaze on the back of her neck.

  Just as she finished her assessment Debra came rushing over. “Sorry I’m late, had to finish feeding Barton.”

  “We can start at his bassinet,” Cassie said, hoping her need to escape Dr. Ryan’s overwhelming presence wasn’t too obvious. “I don’t mind.”